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So, you want to conquer the world in 3 days...
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So, you want to conquer the world in 3 days...

     If you're tired of waiting in line to buy day old cupcakes and obeying the laws that defy gravity, then you've picked up the correct reading material for you! In this unusually small book, I will reveal the secrets behind how to control the world and unveil the mysteries of the universe!! However, before I do so, you first have to understand a little about our earth's history.
    
     Although spears and knives are common in Anglo-Saxon graves, pattern-wielded swords, well, they're rarer. Now, if you're unsure if "rarer" is a word, then I might want to explain to some about who is known as the "The Father of English Poetry". But for that detailed encryption, you'll have to refer to my upcoming seller, So, you want to build a time machine and change the entire course of history so you can then conquer the world in 3 days...
    
     When exploring the concepts of being a ruler of humanity, you need to ask yourself questions like:
     1.) What are my dreams and aspirations?
     2.) What are the 4 regional main regional dialects in the U.S.?
     3.) What color or colors is the grass if a train is heading north western central at a speed of crackers?
Questions along those lines will be your first snow flake of the many winters to come of your first ruling!
 
     Next you'll want to randomly speak in short spurts of gibberish. You'll need to devise your own language so if secret messages ever need to be used, you will be one step ahead of the person behind you.
     For example, Joe used:
  •      El equipo mas peliculas menos popularinitos de morednos paravillentinea!

Now, while the garbage collector thought nothing of it, Joe was really saying:

  • When the sun goes down I will eat your squirrel!

     Also, as a side note, this effect is at its best when someone else besides your dog knows your secret language.

     Now, in conclusion, the final mission you want to accomplish have total success in your devious conquering is this: watch The Little Mermaid 14 times in a row. Once you have completed this rigorous training of getting your mind set, you are now well on your way to RULING THE ENTIRE WORLD! MWHAHAHA! >:-)

The End

 

*This underpaid publication of a book is protected by Opossum Attack! - "Just your friendly kid's book company."